You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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