I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
