He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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