she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
