I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
