Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm both gender and math confused
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize