just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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