He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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