garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
