im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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