Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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