When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
