fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
