The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize