yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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