I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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