i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
