i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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