...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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