No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
