She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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