I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
