so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize