so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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