Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
