I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
