my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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