I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
