No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
