I wish I could teleport
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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