so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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