Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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