I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize