Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
