were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
