Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
