do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this boner is exhausting
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
