the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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