omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
