I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
