I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
