So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
