if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
