Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
