So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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