I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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