My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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