ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
