I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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