I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
