Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
