Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize