I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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