I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
