Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
