i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
