i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
