I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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