she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize