when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
