Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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