Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The ass gains better be worth it
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