I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
