i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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