Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
