Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
