Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
