he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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