Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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